How do you leave someone you love?
You start by breaking yourself into a million pieces, held together by the vestiges of forlorn love.
You keep trying to mend the pieces together hoping to fuse them and heal, but it keeps ripping apart.
Pain shoots across your soul; there is nothing that will douse this burning pyre within.
A flame you desperately try to subdue with hope. Each time hope looks like it is winning and then the razor tipped flames lick and shred every bit of this hope till none is left again.
And you start imploding slowly into a void that is inexplicably heavy, weakness grasps you and you cannot stop spinning.
You keep questioning yourself and cursing yourself and nothing alleviates this pain that seems so deeply embedded, it is now every cell of your body and every breath of your soul.
While you continue to burn and get destroyed at a painstaking pace that seems like an eternity, your mind decays, you welcome dementia like you were waiting for it like your escape pod.
You want to run away into nothingness. You want to embrace solitude that will numb you. Just for a bit, you want to feel nothing.
And then just like that hope cracks in through a tiny crevice and hypnotises you once again.
Makes you believe there is space for one more try, one more attempt, we still have our last ounces of strength left. It teases you to believe again.
Just when you had begun to numb all over, light tears through your nothingness and an icy coolness subdues your pyre.
You wipe away the tears that eroded your soul and try again.
You venture into the world and tell yourself, you will find what you deserve.
You meet happiness once again.
You are wary of the dormant fire within and yet grab on to hope and happiness and stride forth.
Mistake.
One you never learn from. You get slapped hard with reality, you reel in and the world spins all around you.
Now the whole journey backwards is too familiar. You spread open your arms to welcome the raging pyre within, ready to be consumed once and for all.
You let the pain spread its tentacles all over you. You have a weird sense of calm.
There is a strange peace to this pain. This pain seems more comfortable and there is a sense of belongingness to this pain.
The pain is angry with you; you understand. You had abandoned it. You know what it’s like to be stranded.
You caress this pain and you become one with it. It now defines you.
You settle for this eternal pyre that burns within you, this pain that feels closer than anything else, this darkness that envelopes you like a warm fuzzy blanket, a fragmented, fragile and fearless heart in place of love.
You finally find acceptance and love in a hopeless place, from everything that everyone else runs away from.
You find your dark peace and life takes a new meaning.
You have managed to leave someone you love.
D 🌹